The loneliness like fear has big eyes

Hello everyone, today on Wednesday, I would like to raise the issue of loneliness. Are there people like me here who are terrified of her? Today's post will be a bit more personal. My friend recently told me that people like to read more personal stories, so I will listen to her advice and share some privacy with you.

When I was a little girl, I could play alone for hours, the typical behaviour of an only child. My fertile imagination took me on a journey through Neverland, and I needed nothing more.

Later I met my first friend from the heart. We quickly became BFF. It was the first time I learned that loneliness is not so cool, because two heads full of dreams and imagination are twice as much fun. I remember how we walked home, sometimes went through the route several times, and when we managed to part, we immediately called each other, because there were so many things to discuss. It was a beautiful friendship, although it ended in unexplained circumstances in the eighth grade. I experienced it a lot, but I didn't show it outside. Contact with loneliness was not pleasant, it hurt - I found peace in my books.

In high school, being a popular person was important. I had a large group of friends, loneliness was out of the question, and then I met my friends. It was important to date. I did not complain about the lack of interest in the opposite sex. My type at the time was Bad boy, dressed in oversized pants, a hoodie, and necessarily listening to rap. Yes, I know how it sounds, but in my teenage days, I had shallow criteria. So I dated my hip-hop, bad boys until I met my first big love - Rapper.

I spent seven beautiful years with him, although maybe last year was not so pleasant. We even got engaged, but we didn't make it. I remember our beginnings; it was so romantic ... The first kiss when the first snow began to beg. It was so beautiful but until then. Over time, his passion took him away from me, and I felt lonely in a relationship. We lived together, we saw each other every day, but I felt alone. That's why I loved it when our friends visited us. One day I packed my things and left. I left because I didn't want to feel lonely. The surprise was that I was alone again. So I was looking for the hole filler in my heart. Unsuccessfully. However, I will not deny that I had the fun of all times.

Despite parting with Rapper, I kept in touch with our friends. I realized then that I accidentally fell in love with one of them. Because when the rapper escaped into music, the other was there for me. I knew we had no chance. It is known, these funny rules of boys ... Friendzone, which was crossed one night that was memorable for me. However, I was afraid to confess my true feelings because I didn't want to hear that it was one-sided. I played it the worst I could; I still wonder what would happen if I said "... I love you" instead of "Let's be friends with benefits" What did I have in mind? Well. And again, this loneliness ...

But not for long, because loneliness is terrible. So I met a Tattoo Artist and went to England. Three years, three tattoos to repair, and a broken heart for three.

Again, a short time of this terrible loneliness and another love. Big plans, we wanted to have a family, but fate did not allow, three years of research, effort, frustration ... Again loneliness ...

Too short.

And here I am six months later, me and another He - Youngy. Will it come out this time? Maybe it doesn't work out for me every time because loneliness is too short? Time will tell ... For now, despite storms, we are together and learn about each other. This is not an easy learning because we have both been endowed with stubbornness and strong dominant characters. However, we do not give up, and in spite of public opinion, we stubbornly hold our hands.

xoxo Jagodzianka

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